


Dollhouse

by infinitefalltohell



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Bulimia, F/M, Family Relationships - Freeform, Hurt No Comfort, Sad Ending, Sayu's POV, Song: Dollhouse (Melanie Martinez), Talk about society, Yagami Family - Freeform, mentions of eating disorders, toxic family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28712052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinitefalltohell/pseuds/infinitefalltohell
Summary: Their perfect smiles, and their perfect lives were adored and respected by many. This family loved, laughed and lived... until the curtains shut and night fell. No one saw their flaws, their anxieties, their pain. They were covered by the curtains, and that's how they wanted it.The secrets and lies that plagued them were hidden, never to be uncovered.
Relationships: Yagami Sachiko/Yagami Souichirou
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32





	Dollhouse

Her name was Yagami Sayu, a name she would’ve worn with pride if it weren’t for the things she knew and the scenes she had witnessed behind closed doors. In public, she appeared as a bubbly and bright girl, someone who always bore a smile on her face, someone who was gentle and patient. To them, she would be the perfect wife, she would be the perfect mother, the perfect woman. Sayu knew she wouldn’t be a wife anytime soon, not until laws around gay marriage in Japan changed anyway. 

Soichiro, Sachiko, Light, Sayu, the perfect family. Soichiro – a dedicated man who was loyal and honest, he provided for the household and he led the family to their ‘glory’. Sachiko – a caring and tender housewife, a woman who seemingly had everything. Light – an intelligent and polite boy who excelled in all he did, there were no flaws or failures tied to his name. Sayu – a welcoming and friendly girl who had more friends than most did money, she shined socially and was destined for success. 

That was what society saw, that was what every house on their street saw. The communities the family were in had very high opinions of them and held them to high expectations. The family were all good people, they were all intelligent, they were all with money and friends in high places. They had everything, and everyone wanted to be them. They didn’t know what hid behind closed doors, they didn’t know the real Yagami family, no one did. Their many friends thought they knew who the Yagami family were, each member’s likes and dislikes, the way they smiled and the way they spoke. They didn’t know, none of them did. Not a single one. 

No one noticed anything out of place with the family, each member was attractive and charismatic, they had the white picket fence and the nice hardwood floors. Their tea mats were a luxury, something they could never consider buying. The men were reliable and the women were hospitable. There was nothing to be considered a problem, they were perfect. 

Sayu had seen it all, as the youngest in the household, she spent a lot of time watching and a lot of time noting down points in her head. The things she had witnessed would horrify many, they would make a documentary if they could get past the front door without being bombarded by her mother’s charming smile and her brother’s charismatic words. 

Her imagination was as vast as the largest sea, as wide as the galaxy that lay far, far above them. It was a coping mechanism, she supposed. In a way, that was her running away from the many, many mishaps and mistakes of her family. 

What they didn’t see behind the curtains was that everything was merely a play. Each family member had long since memorised their scripts, their actions were not ones that were created spontaneously. Everything had a place, every action had a meaning, and every word manipulated the situation to their advantage. They were dolls in a beautiful dollhouse, being controlled by the puppet-master of the reputation they had created for themselves. 

Sachiko was obsessed with perfection, and with maintaining their image. Sayu knew she was. She could see it in the way her mother dutifully cleaned the house every single night, from how the floors were mopped and vacuumed, to how each bookshelf was deprived of dust. It almost sickened her to see everything arranged so flawlessly, to see the house look as if it wasn’t meant to be touched. Her mother cleaned this house so obsessively that Sayu wouldn’t be surprised if it was actually a giant dollhouse, and if she was merely a doll living in it. 

Her mother had been warning her from a young age: “Darling, remember, we cannot act out of place. Whenever we have anyone over, you must behave. You must be respectful and above all else, you have to smile. Especially you and I, we’re woman, we get away with less and get judged more. You’ll understand once you’re older, the way society scrutinises us. Make sure to make a lot of friends at school and above all else, to always smile.” When Sayu had asked how she was meant to do that, her mother laughed. 

“Just follow my lead darling, you’ll be brilliant. They’ll love you.” Back then, Sayu had nodded eagerly, not quite understanding the implication of her mother’s words. She understood them now, those words seemed as clear as glass in their meaning. 

Sachiko’s friends came over to the house every weekend, usually they were individual friends who had come over to catch up. Her mother’s smile was fake like plastic, and her laughter was forced from a place Sayu didn’t know people could force laughs from. 

Sayu despised it, she despised the way the house shined mockingly, the way polite chit-chat echoed throughout the entire downstairs. Her mother was just as insincere as she was, and she was the best liar she knew. Their reputation, the entire family’s being laid upon Sachiko’s shoulders, and she took it with ease. No one was to know, but it was not the father who led the family, it was definitely the mother. 

As the mother cleaned, she repeated the day’s happenings to herself, analysing them and scrutinising them. She recited her shortcomings as if they were a prayer, she vowed to do better despite knowing that she couldn’t better perfection. Her hands bled from how hard she had scrubbed, yet she ignored it. For her suffering wasn’t important to her, if pain was the way to achieve beauty, then she would immerse herself in pain if she had to. 

Sayu watched this all from the staircase, as she did most days, and sighed. One day, her mother would clean the house to death. It was something Sayu had known for many years, something Sayu had accepted. Sachiko’s grave would bear as many lies as her life did, the flowers that would lay on them would rot internally in her presence. 

Soichiro was never home in the day, in sickness or health, misery or joy. It didn’t matter what occasion it was; it didn’t matter if the date read ‘Christmas Day’ or if it read ‘Anniversary’. He only ever showed in the evening, and even then, some evenings he wouldn’t come home. On the long weeks where her father wouldn’t show himself for as long as 5 days, Sayu would wonder if he was ever going to go back home.

Bitter feelings arose when she thought of her father, at least he had an escape. He had somewhere he could run away to and where he could escape the smell of bleach and of toxic family relationships. The man could throw himself into his work, he could bury himself in paperwork and never dig his way out. Sayu didn’t have that, she would never have that. 

He was a hardworking man, one that aimed for justice with everything he did. Everything was about fairness and equality, there was always a scale in his mind, constantly comparing the importance of many factors. The father loved his wife and his children, however, he felt trapped. Sayu knew that despite being able to escape, he wouldn’t because of his loyalty, because he knew that if he left it would cause far more chaos and destruction than a wrong saying would. 

It was better this way, Sayu thought, her father wasn’t a good liar anyway. He was far too honest and far too just for his own good, Sachiko wouldn’t like it if he was around a lot. The feelings Sayu held for her father were feelings of bitterness, the kind of bitterness you would taste on one’s first sour lolly. The kind of bitterness that lingers both on the tongue and the heart, it never quite faded away; it never would. 

Soichiro had many priorities, however, the only one he would take his life for, the only one he would pursue if he had a choice wasn’t what most expected. It wasn’t family, it wasn’t work, it wasn’t a hobby, it was a man. This man’s name was Matsuda Touta, he was a rookie within the police, and by the few times he had come over, Sayu knew her father was fond of the young man. She saw it in his eyes, something she rarely saw. Sincerity. Sincerity was as rare as a pure diamond in their household, it was something she sought for daily and hardly ever found. 

If her father had the choice, he would abandon them and he would abandon work, he would abandon everything he had ever known for the chance to play the role of Matsuda’s father. If Soichiro had the choice, his loyalty would no longer be in their hands, it would be in Matsuda’s. She nearly threw up at the mere concept, let alone the details.   
Her father would either abandon them for his junior, or he would die working himself to death. This family were driving themselves to their own demises, Sayu swore.

Light was her dearest brother; he was the closest to genuinely achieving perfection. Perfect grades, friends with clean records, the most charming smile and a good personality to match. He had the best of both parents, there was nothing more that anyone could ask for. Oh, if only they heard the night throwing up from his room. 

He studied excessively, despite not needing to. He studied many subjects and read about concepts Sayu would never understand. He completed homework within a single night without needing to look it over, everything was efficient and quick. Light was a prodigy, the smartest person she knew, the most intelligent person that everyone who knew him associated with.

He was polite, so absurdly polite. He apologised to everyone he thought deserved an apology, even if he had only brushed their jacket with his on the bus. He smiled a lot too, though not nearly as much as Sayu. His laughter wasn’t burdening, nor was it too loud, it was beautiful, absolutely endearing. He always bowed at the right angle and always waved with the right speed. 

If anyone could see behind his long sleeves and huge jackets, they would see his sickingly thin arms, they would see his stick-like legs. They would be able to count his ribs without having to feel them. His waistline would be on show for all to envy, they would wish they could be as thin as he was, as magazine-like. 

Light always helped himself to food at the dinner table, never taking a second serving, and never taking much dessert. After, he would continue his routine of studying, dutifully making sense of the numbers on the paper below. Then, with headphones on, Sayu would attempt to block out the noises of gagging and vomiting. She would blast her music until she could no longer hear Light’s criticisms of himself. He did to his body what her mother did to her social interactions, and it was sickening. 

Sayu adored Light more than anything, he was her loving older brother, and she would do anything to have him safe. To know that he thought of himself this way was killing her from inside, how she had to lie about it to her unaware parents stained her heart. He didn’t even fit in the pyjamas that were meant to be two sizes too small, his arms needlestick thin and his physique far too bony. She would know, she entered his room once a week for assistance with her maths homework. 

Light would starve himself to death, Sayu was more certain about this than anything else. Disturbingly, Sayu thought he wouldn’t make it past 18, maybe 20 if he was lucky. 

As for her, she had many friends. All of them were fake, every single one of them. She couldn’t rely on them, nor could she vent her problems. When she invited them over, only what she wanted them to see was shown, only what she wanted them to know what was said. She would tuck them away from her family and would engage in conversations of her own. 

Sayu was scarily similar to her mother in the way she categorised people, in the way she had pages among pages with names and faces and statuses. She was repulsed by it, she hated it in a way she couldn’t hate other things. 

Her entire family was being controlled by what they themselves had created. They had manufactured so many smiles that they could run a company at that point. Their laughter could manifest itself into a chart-topping album, an album which would be lip-synced at live performances. They were so ingenuine that Sayu herself didn’t know whether her persona was real or something she had created. It terrified her that she couldn’t tell the difference between sincere and insincere, between truth and lie, between real and fake. Would she ever be able to? She didn’t think so.

To everyone else, she was the perfect youngest daughter, respectful, charming and respectful. She never stepped out of turn or out of line. She was a perfect daughter for a perfect family.

What they didn’t know was that she would never have a husband, she was a brilliant liar, but not so brilliant she could fake heterosexuality. She could cover up her family’s secrets, she could silently cry herself to sleep with no one ever knowing, she could lie about the pain she felt internally.

Eventually, people would catch on. One crack and they would start notice the many flaws and imperfections that came with the Yagami family. However…

For now, those curtains remained shut, and the only people who could see through them was Sayu herself. 

\--

“Everyone thinks that we’re perfect,  
Please don’t let them look through the curtains.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, did this one in 1 and a half hours, sorry if it's sloppy or looks lazy. I had the idea this morning and I thought 'hey, I should write that' so I did.
> 
> It's midnight and I'm not meant to be up so I should go, but I'll add more tomorrow!


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